This was originally titled “The Reverse Gap” but I feel like “The Failure Story” is a more accurate description of this story. This is part two of a video I had put out last week, if you haven’t seen part 1, click the link below!
Did you know that Maslow’s hierarchy of needs doesn’t actually end with self-actualization?
“It is quite true that [we live] by bread alone—when there is no bread. But what happens to [our] desires when there is plenty of bread and when [our bellies are] chronically filled?”Abraham Maslow
Most of you
Thus the prevailing theory in
Maslow amended his model near the end of his life.
Maslow’s later thinking argued that there is a higher level of development, what he called “self-transcendence”. This comes after self-actualization, where our focus shifts from beyond ourselves to altruism, liberation from egocentricity, and the ultimate unity of a being.
“Transcendence refers to the very highest and most inclusive or holistic levels of human consciousness, behaving and relating, as ends rather than means, to oneself, to significant others, to human beings in general, to other species, to nature, and to the cosmos.”(The Farther Reaches of Human Nature, New York, 1971, p. 269.)
It is the act of transcending past one’s own ego and living a life of giving to others.
“At the level of self-actualization, the individual works to actualize the individual’s own potential [whereas] at the level of transcendence, the individual’s own needs are put aside, to a great extent, in favor of service to others”“Rediscovering the Later Version of Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs: Self-Transcendence and Opportunities for Theory, Research, and Unification.” Koltko-Rivera
Many of you would describe your life purpose as a form of helping the world, helping others, building community, making an impact or creating a change. This falls directly in line with moving past self-actualization.
Many people who volunteer or help others for the first time in a long time, reflect on this feeling of joy and happiness they got from helping others. This is the feeling that Maslow is referring too with transcend.
The best leaders amongst us have reached a deep level of emotional awareness (self-actualization) and have begun practising the daily acts of leadership, through coaching, mentoring, giving and guiding and thus entering self-transcendence.
…the real aim of human existence cannot be found in what is called self-actualization. Human existence is essentially self-transcendence rather than self-actualization. Self-actualization is not a possible aim at all; for the simple reason that the more a [person] would strive for it, the more [they] would miss it. For only to the extent to which [people] commit [themselves] to the fulfillment of [their] life’s meaning, to this extent [they] also actualize [themselves.] In other words, self-actualization cannot be attained if it is made an end in itself, but only as a side-effect of self-transcendence.”Man’s Search for Meaning – Viktor Frankl
Taking one out of Tim Ferris’ books, he writes a weekly blog sharing a few things about what he’s doing currently, so here are mine.
What I’m reading –
Currently reading Seth Godin’s “Free Prize Inside” Marketing book. It hypothesizes that there are diminishing returns on traditional advertising as marketing methodologies. We can’t seem to think that our problem is that people simply haven’t heard about us, but instead that we’re missing the “free prize inside.” Using the example of how cereal box advertisers started including prizes in their boxes as a differentiator, you want the cereal he said, but you bought it for the prize. What’s the free prize inside in your business?
What I’m listening to –
Currently listening to The ONE Thing: The Surprisingly Simple Truth Behind Extraordinary Results by Gary Keller. Its simple hypothesis is that we often fail because we try and do too many things. The most successful businesses and people focus on ONE thing. Google dominates search. Yes, they have other products and provide other services, but they established dominance by focusing on ONE thing. Multi-tasking is a scientifically proven lie, so stop doing it now. Ask yourself each day, what’s the ONE thing I need to do today. Ask this every week, every month and every year. When you genuinely dig deep, there indeed is only ONE thing.
Who I’m following on Instagram –
I’ve been loving Garyvee lately. I wasn’t always a huge fan of his aggressive style, but I’ve found some sanity in his words as I’ve been hustling away and trying to figure out this how digital marketing, social media, and leadership speaker thing.
Quote I’m pondering –
“Idealism increases in direct proportion to one’s distance from the problem.” John Galsworthy
What I’m watching –
YouTube. I never used to watch YouTube. Honestly never got into following people and well I and pop culture were never really a thing. However, as I’m getting more involved in the art of video creation, my team has requested that I start watching more YouTube to immerse myself in the culture and understand the style. So lately I love Ryan Serhant’s channel; check this video out: STOP WASTING TIME ON THINGS YOU CAN’T CONTROL | Ryan Serhant Vlog #51
Cause I’m supporting –
I always have, will continue to still support the empowerment of youth in sparking remarkable change. I’ll be keynoting on May 2nd at the annual Boys and Girls Clubs of Ottawa Breakfast fundraiser, and I’m excited to share the story of how this small community changed my family’s life.
Person I’m learning more about –
Myself. I’ve taken a very introspective month. Reflecting on my habits, my thoughts, my mindsets, and my approach to things. I have so much to learn, but I’m always astonished at how much more awareness I still have to gain. My fears, limiting beliefs, and triggers play a subconscious role that I’ve merely been working on making conscious. The first step is to recognize when it’s happening.
But also; just recently finished Barrack Obama’s Biography and I loved it.
I’m taking on this new challenge to help myself in focusing on my personal development.
I’m focusing on ONE mindset shift for the whole week. Then introduce the next mindset shift, but every week only concentrate on ONE.
I have 12 identified, which means I can cycle through these 12, four times in a year. Every week I only focus on making sure I get this one shift ingrained.
If I FOCUS on ONE major shift; perhaps I’ll catch myself slipping in areas where I wasn’t aware of before. Understanding that changing habits and shifting a mindset takes constant battling with your old ways.
My ONE thing for this week is taken directly out of the Optimist Creed:
“To give so much time to improving myself that I have no time to criticize others.”Christian D. Larson
What’s your ONE thing for this week? Just choose one and pay close attention to when it comes up.
If you grew in the renaissance era and you wanted to become a successful artist, what would you have done?
You’d seek to become an apprentice.
You’d find the best artist you can and ask to work under them and to learn from them. To watch them perfect their craft, and in turn, develop your style.
“If you want to become a great chef, you have to work with great chefs. And that’s what I did.” – Gordan Ramsay
Finding a mentor that has been where you want to be, can help you grow to your full potential.
I was lucky to realize the value of mentors in my life at an early age. I have since continually sought out mentors in the different areas of my life, from work to hobbies and spirituality.
Here’s my quick mentorship system that I apply in all areas of my life.
I call it the Plus-Equals-Minus Mentorship Grid.
In every area that is of importance in my life, I have someone in those three spots.
Let’s choose the category of professional speaking:
Plus: The plus category is about identifying someone in your life who is where you want to be. Someone who’s ahead of you in that specific area. I have been lucky to have an amazing speaking coach and mentor by the name of Steve Lowell.
Equals: This is the friendly competition of an accountability partner. It is someone in your life who is currently on the same path as you and at the same stage in their learning. I made a great friend in a young man named Sam Demma whom I learn from continuously. We push each other to continue growing and share insights back and forth.
Minus: This is someone who wants to be where you are in life. It is the opportunity you have to mentor someone. You’ll quickly see how the mentee becomes your mentor. One of the best ways for you to improve on your craft is by actively teaching and mentoring others. I gratefully have some amazing clients that I spend time one on one, coaching into becoming phenomenal speakers.
Choose an area in your life, and identify your Plus, Equals and Minus. They are all your mentors, and they will energize you and help take you to another level.
How vital are morning routines?
Personally once I began setting a clear morning routine, it changed everything.
I have to start by admitting that mornings have always been difficult for me. I’m not ‘naturally’ a morning person, and I have had to fight myself to build this new routine. Additionally, it has taken me over a year and a half of attempting to have a consistent morning routine to finally (somewhat) succeed.
I did not take me 21 days to form a habit. It took me far more. The trick is to see each morning as a brand new start. I don’t hang my accomplishments from the week before, or get down that I missed my morning routine the day before.
So why do I do it? I found myself 10x happier and more productive when I got up early. I was more at peace, I felt less anxiety, and I surprisingly found time for my workouts.
Here’s my morning routine – you’ll see that it’s highly dependent on my night routine.
1) The alarm clock rings at 6:00 am
This alarm clock is located in my washroom, so that I have no choice but to get out of bed. The second alarm clock rings at 6:05 am. The second one is my phone alarm near my bed, my body at times has learned to ignore the washroom alarm
I told you this was a fight every morning for months… haha.
2) Drink Morning Cocktail – water, with lemon and sea salt.
The science behind this is clear, overnight we become dehydrated and are likely missing some necessary salts.
3) Do 15 push-ups
This one is funny, because I literally roll out of bed, with my washroom alarm still ringing and muster all the strength I have, just to do 10-15 push-ups.
4) Jump into the shower
Having to walk into the washroom to turn off my alarm leaves me very little room to fall back asleep, I just have to take two more steps to walk into the shower. I end with a cold shower. At the end of the shower, I slowly decrease the temperature of the water. Slowly and eventually leading to a cold shower. This cold shower lasts (maybe) 60 seconds – kudos to those who can do more.
5) Washroom activities
Activities include everything from brushing teeth to shaving, flossing, and putting lotion to keep my skin from getting too dry!
6) Read my affirmations
I read my life mission, my values, and three affirmations that came directly from re-writing the narratives I have around my limiting beliefs. I also review my three biggest goals for this month. Lastly, I read one page of the Daily Stoic. This is a one-page a day book that provides me introspective insights for my day.
7) Put my clothes on
These have already been chosen the night before and laid out
8) Eat Breakfast
Plain Oatmeal, with vanilla protein powder, a scoop of peanut butter, and a handful of berries! Note that coffee comes after my meal and water cocktail. During breakfast is when I take my vitamins. Listen we all need vitamins, don’t fight me on this one. Learn about what sort of vitamins your body is deficient in.
9) HEAD TO THE GYM!
I Grab my gym bag, and work bag that are all prepared the night before and head out!
I’m up at 6:00 am and out of the house by 6:45 am.
In the last year and a half, I have failed 40% of the time in getting up early in the morning. But that means 60% of my days have been 10x better than they would have been before.
Celebrate the small wins.
Celebrate the attempts.
It’s not about achieving your goals. It’s about becoming the person who can accomplish those goals.
See far too often in personal development we get caught up in our goals and targets.
I want to build a business.
I want to lose weight.
I want a fulfilling relationship.
I want to make an impact.
So we set targets, we ask ourselves how we’re going to get there, and we start taking action.
However, when things aren’t working out, we get frustrated. We question the goals. We externalize the reasons.
We fail to realize that two internal aspects underpin every goal we have; our habits and our mindset.
See we focus on achieving these goals, but we rarely ask what kind of person do I have to be to achieve these goals.
Do you want to be a millionaire? Or build the next billion dollar company?
Well, what does a millionaire’s morning routine look like? In comparison to yours?
What does the co-founder’s eating habits look like?
What about their fitness levels?
What about the mindset, is it a growth or fixed mindset?
Does a millionaire have a victim mentality blaming others or do they take 100% responsibility for where they are in life?
How do they treat other people, do they empower and build relationships?
Do they take without giving value?
See we always watch youtube videos, and listen to podcasts of “Self-Made Millionaires” and want to have what they have.
The truth is we are all “self-made,” but only some of us are willing to admit it.
Where you are is not the sum of your goals and targets, but the sum of your habits and your mindset.
It’s not what you need to achieve.
It’s who you need to become.
How do you begin?
The answer is quite simple, you begin.
To begin, begin.
How do you jump into the freezing water? You jump.
How do you start writing a 300-page novel? You write.
Many a time we get stuck strategizing, plotting, analyzing, organizing and re-organizing.
I get stuck researching, I always say, “well I want to know the BEST way of doing it.” While there is merit to doing research, and value in strategizing, many of us spend time strategizing on how to do the best research.
This cycle is caused by the same fear we have when we’re deciding to jump off a 12-meter cliff.
Mel Robbins has a simple solution. Countdown by 5 and begin. The counting down creates a neurological response, where your mind clears and focuses on the task at hand.
So what have you been putting off till tomorrow?